Do You Have Enough Time For A Good Marriage?

By Larry Bilotta

Let me ask you...do you know how many hours a day you SHOULD be spending on your marriage?

A happy, healthy marriage requires that time is spent WITH each other, ON each other and FOR each other. Unfortunately, most couples forget this and focus on other things they consider (at the time) to be a "priority".

So just what are some of the demands are married couples faced with?

o Planning and attending the children's events

o Fussing over wedding, shower, christening, birthday and anniversary gifts for loved ones

o Taking care of pets and day-to-day household chores

o Maintaining the home and vehicles

o Attending and preparing for church related events and gatherings

o Spending time with extended family and friends

Add to this the fact that some couples are faced with serious "road blocks" that put a great deal of pressure on their marriage such as:

o Dealing with a serious illness in the family

o Elderly parent moving into the house

o An affair

o A serious accident

o Financial struggles such as bankruptcy or maxed out credit cards

o Loss of a child or loved one

o And the list goes on...

In order to put each spouse's time into perspective, let's take a look at what they do during a typical 168 hour week:

Activity Time Spent Time remaining in the week

Sleep: 8 hrs/day | 56 hrs/week - *112 hr remaining

Job/Travel: 9 hrs/day | 45 hrs/week - *67 hrs remaining

Eating & Prep: 2 hrs/day | 14 hrs/week - *53 hr remaining

Kids issues & events: 3 hrs/day | 21 hrs/week - *32 hr remaining

Household maintenance: 1 hrs/day | 7 hrs/week - *25 hr remaining

Phone conversations: 1.5 hrs/day | 10.5 hrs/week - *14.5 hr remaining

Friends/Social life: 1.5 hrs/day | 10.5 hrs/ week - *4 hr remaining

And where do those last 4 hours go?

According to the A.C. Nielsen Co., the average American watches more than four hours of TV each day (28 hours per week / two months of non-stop TV-watching per year). Let's not focus on the idea that in a 65-year lifetime, a person will have spent nine years in front of a TV!

But let's not assume that you are the average TV watcher. In fact, if you're reading this article, you're probably not watching anywhere NEAR that much TV. Instead, ask yourself: Do you have enough time for a good marriage?

To answer this question, we'll need to discover what a "good marriage" REALLY is, and then we'll discover the actual amount of time a "good marriage" requires in terms of hours per week. I have worked for many years now teaching married couples what they WISH they had learned BEFORE they got married.

I can explain what a good marriage is based on and what men and women need to be happy in marriage. In fact, I'll get right down to it....

A man needs sexual intimacy and respect.

A woman needs financial security and emotional security.

Period.

When I work with couples, I give them these definitions and then ask them to give me a percentage on how much they are getting these needs on a 100% to 0% scale.

Over the years, I have found that in all good marriages, they each give me a rating between the 80% to 100% range. This means that a husband's wife builds him up, overlooks his faults, looks for what's good about him and takes a genuine...well, let me not waste words.

I'll explain it concisely by showing you what a Real Wife and a Real Husband does to create a happy marriage using my Real Husband and Real Wife definitions which you can download here: rel=nofollow http://www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com/real.pdf

In a perfect world, men and women would have these two signs posted their bathroom so they could read it on a consistent basis while they prepare for their busy day. I guarantee that any couple who even comes close to these definitions would tell you they are generally very happy in their marriage.

So how much TIME does it take to create this ideal marriage? After dealing with all the day-to-day life issues listed on the time chart you saw earlier, the remaining hours left for your marriage could EASILY be spent on watching TV.

TV is easy. It requires no thinking, no physical activity, no interaction with other people and no sacrifice on your part. You just sit down and let the cares of the day slowly drift away while you consume yourself with your favorite TV show.

The Neilson study about time use dramatizes the fact that Television is the #1 form of entertainment in the Nation. Nothing else even comes close in terms of time commitment. Americans in general are looking for the easy life that Television delivers.

It's a fact that no relationship is as intense, demanding or as fulfilling as a marriage can be. It is the toughest, yet the most rewarding relationship you can have with another person. So WHY then do we choose to make EVERYTHING ELSE our top priority while we leave only 4 measly hours a week devote to our marriage?

Now think about this because I guarantee you haven't before. Does anyone actually care about the health of YOUR relationship, your connection with each other and your marriage? In this society, marriage is the goose that lays the golden eggs and my point is no one really cares about the goose.

Let me prove my point that your marriage is the goose and everyone wants your "golden eggs". Your children don't care about your marriage .....until mom and dad are in big trouble and can't stop fighting. Both sets of your parents don't care about YOUR marriage.

In reality they care about their own son or daughter in the marriage, not the marriage itself. Your extended family members don't care about YOUR marriage ...but they do care that you bring a gift for nephews, nieces and come to the party...but they have nothing to say about your marriage.

Friends don't care about YOUR marriage.They are polite to you as a couple, but really care about you as individuals...the person they knew BEFORE the wedding.

Your kid's school won't care about your marriage. They just need to know which one of you is going to volunteer for the fund drive or show up for parent teacher night.

It's rare for churches - synagogues to care for your marriage. For most, it's just not on their radar. They have no preventative maintenance program for married couples to keep them from falling into disrepair.

When it comes to assets, the goose of your marriage has got the goods. Marriage makes the two of you more stable and financially successful because of your union. Together you produce the golden eggs that build a strong Nation. Marriage has been ignored in this country thought it is the most VALUABLE and BENEFICIAL of all relationships.

No one has suggested "National Marriage Day" to bring to light the fact that marriages must be cared for and nurtured. We must protect the goose that lays the golden eggs. Instead what we have is a "goose killing society" because they don't understand marriage.

When a marriage falls apart, friends, relatives, coworkers, schools, and even religious organization don't know what to tell you. They don't know what to do because very few people understand what it takes to create a successful marriage and even FEWER people know why marriages fall apart.

With this background in mind, it's easy to see how the two of you will be influenced to put your priorities where everyone says your priorities should be...ON THEM! This is the reason your time, (one of the goose's major assets) is freely given away to everyone else and only 4 hours a week is left for the male and female halves of the goose, to take care of itself.

If no one cares about the health of your marriage and the two of you don't care either, then where does that leave your family? Who will care enough to keep your marriage together if the two of you don't even know how? Who in this society will strengthen your marriage if not the two of you?

The answer is NO ONE...because no one cares about the goose. And this brings me to my conclusion that... "Only a HEALTHY Goose Can Lay Golden Eggs"

Hopefully you can now see that your marriage is the goose that lays the golden eggs. Together, you create secure and successful children that will shape our future and the future of our Grandchildren.

Together, you pay the taxes that run our cities, the mortgages that build new homes and create the wealth of society. It is as husband and wife that the two of you contribute to a strong society. Together, your savings and investments make this a stronger Nation...as a union, the two of you lay the golden eggs that contribute to our great Nation...and the prosperity of every human being on the planet for that matter.

So how do you take care of the goose, how to you keep your marriage strong? You must talk to each other to strengthen the goose. Talk...as in CONVERSATION, not just in passing. Talking, sharing ideas and listening to each other takes time and 4 hours a week is the absolute MINIMUM amount of time that you should spend doing this activity.

Talk openly and be sure not to criticize each other while you are talking. This will add depth to your relationship and keep your marriage strong. Probably the most well worn piece of marriage advice is to plan a "date night" on a regular basis.

You plan that date and suddenly the world of demanders comes and tries to steal even that little time from the goose. Don't let it happen. Take a closer look at all the time restraints on your marriage that you would normally use to serve the needs of others and remember that Only a Healthy Goose Lays Golden Eggs, and improving your marriage takes time. It will not happen overnight.

You need to be in a good state of mind when the two of you face the unexpected and uninvited troubles of life that might take the form of bankruptcy, a sick child, or various kinds of addictions that could affect either of you.

If collectively, you are not a "healthy goose", those troubles can rip the goose apart and one-million five hundred thousand divorces a year prove it. In times of trouble, you must talk to each other MORE, not less. To talk, you need to feel safe with each other. To feel safe, both of you need to really listen to each other without judgment.

If you have to vent your troubles and worries, take turns, then put it all behind you. IT ALL TAKES TIME. Give your marriage the time and the world will continue to thank you for your golden eggs.

Wondering if there's still hope for your marriage? Discover how to save your marriage. Get FREE tips and advice to help you get your marriage back on track the RIGHT WAY at Larry Bilotta's [http://www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com]Marriage Saving web site http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com

Save Your Marriage By Knowing the Risk Factors for Divorce

By D DeCoteau

If you have gotten to the point that you need help saving your marriage and identifying risk factors that are working against your marriage from the start, then you need the best information available now to save your marriage today from destruction and becoming another divorce statistic.

If you want to help save your marriage you must know that marriages either grow or they crumble, they don't remain passive, meaning that a secure marriage isn't one where things are always the same. A strong, solid marriage is a marriage where one never stops trying to make things better.

If you want to help save your marriage today and understand why your marriage has gotten to this point you need to understand the behaviors that will lead you to further destruction or will help you strengthen and help save your marriage.

If you want help to save your marriage today you must begin by identifying the top six risk factors of divorce today. Many marriages are challenged and start off with many risk factors, while others marriages begin with factors that are in their favor (good risk factors).

If you want to save your marriage today, you must also know that these are only risk factors, not determining factors for marriage survival. If you have more risk factors against you, this may mean you will need to seek extra help such as expert help or counseling to work through the issues in your marriage to be able to stop a divorce or separation.

These factors are the things you can't change but...

You may need help to save your marriage if you married in your teens. Statistics show that if you marry before twenty that this may be the most powerful and consistent risk predictor of marital stability.

You may need help to save your marriage if you lived together before marriage. Despite the widespread prevalence of this belief, the evidence says living together before marriage considerably increases the chances of divorce, unless you were already engaged beforehand and marry soon after moving in together.

You may need help to save your marriage if your parents or your partner's parents were divorced. Statistics prove that children of divorce are more likely to divorce themselves, this risk doubles if both partners are children of divorced parents.

You may need help to save your marriage if you had a child together before marriage. However, couples with children have a slightly lower risk of divorce than childless couples.

You may need help to save your marriage if you haven't been married long. The longer you've been married the more likely you are to stay married. The first two years are the most critical, but half of all divorces happen by the seventh year of marriage.?

You may need help to save your marriage if your annual income is less than $25,000. The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers considers financial problems to be one of the five top reasons for divorce.

If you need help saving your marriage you may be at ease knowing that the following predictors are in your favor. These predictors apply to when you were married and do not include factors such as good communication and conflict resolution skills that you now currently possess in your marriage.

You were both older when you were married. Marrying after age 25 decreases your chances of divorce because you tend to be more mature and clearer in what your looking for in your partner.

You share the same religious beliefs. This tends to give a marriage a higher purpose and brings you together on a spiritual level. These shared religious values can help keep your marriage growing together, as opposed to apart.

You have some higher education, this decrease the chances of divorce in comparison to a high-school drop out.

Your parents are still together and what you learned about marriage comes from watching your parents. If you've learned strategies that helped your parents stay together your chances of divorce decrease.

Your income is above $50,000, couples in this income bracket tend to experience less stress over money.

You have a child together, couples with children again, have a lower risk of divorced compared to childless couples.?


Keys to a successful marriage really boil down to three things; people want to stay, people feel they ought to stay in their marriage, people feel they have to stay. It is not luck and love. This personal, moral and structural commitment is what keeps marriages together, not happiness. Research shows us that unhappy periods in a marriage are not predictors of our future. If you want to save your marriage consider these factors, but do not rely on them solely, if you need help to save your marriage, then seek it.Statistics also shows that couples who were unhappy with their marriage who stayed together were happier or very happy five years later.

If you have gotten to the point that you need help saving your marriage and identifying factors that are working against your marriage from the start then check out [http://SaveMyMarriageTodayOnline.Info/]SaveMyMarriageTodayOnline.Info

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com

Marriage Help - 3 Unusual Marriage Help Tips To Help Your Marriage Flourish In Love

By Anne Amore
Even setting the intention to seek marriage help will begin the process of change that will manifest help for a failing marriage. Acknowledging you need marriage help is the first and hardest step. Now you have opened yourself up to the idea of seeking marriage help, the new knowledge and wisdom you need to heal your marriage can come to you. Here are 3 unusual marriage help tips to help you put the love and togetherness back into your married life....

Dreaming, not screaming, helps your marriage

If you and your marriage partner are screaming at each other, you might want to consider seeking professional help and guidance from a marriage counsellor to heal your rifts. However, try this first: recapture the dream of what you first wanted this marriage to be. Talk or think about when you first met each other, and what attracted you to one another. Share some of your favourite romantic or intimate memories. Bring up some of those really special or thoughtful things your partner did for you. Tell them how much you loved and appreciated that time when he or she did ...(fill in the blank)... for you. Thank them again for giving you that experience. The more you can recapture these memories and shared experiences, the more you can bring that beautiful loving energy back into the present to heal and provide energetic marriage help. From this space, start to discuss what you would like your marriage to be like. Get into a feeling space of what it would be like to have your marriage just the way you want it. Let your desire inspire and excite you. With passion, you can renew your commitment to making this marriage wonderful.
Screwing, not stewing, helps marriages

Marriage help is needed when sexual relations have broken down and been replaced by argument and recrimination. Stop stewing over perceived slights and hurts. Take a deep breath and upgrade your soul with forgiveness. That means let it all go! Dump your toxicity. What you want is a committed marriage full of passion, romance and love. So now you are clear and specific on that you have clear targets to work towards. Start by loving yourself, getting in touch with the love and acceptance within. Do yourself and your partner the service of improving your health and fitness, taking an effort with your appearance, and putting your attention and intention into creating relationship magic. Start showing more affection and warmth to your partner. Melt that iceberg with genuine warmth, care and respect! And as soon as you can, get the intimacy, romance and passion going again between the sheets if you want some serious marriage help.

Flying, not crying, will help marriage

Moping around won't fix a thing. Get up and get busy with your marriage. You want marriage help? It's easy. Stop doing all the crappy things you've been doing and start doing things differently. Commit to creating a fantastic marriage and work at it. Experiment, try different things, follow your intuition -- it resides in your heart. Just get off that damned hamster wheel of habitual ways of acting and reacting to each other. Love is a verb, it's something that you do. You want a fabulous love-filled marriage, don't you? Of course you do! So move quickly. Act decisively. Break up the old ways and patterns. Challenge yourself to bring about this revolution in your life and imagine it full of this vital passionate energy. Marriage help is yours to grab, so reach out and start the process as fast as you can. This is so important. Give your whole energy to this. You deserve a beautiful, love-filled marriage ... and you can and will create it.

Marriage mentors

Get help for your marriage from the ultimate private source of first-class marriage help. It comes in rel=nofollow The 50 Secrets to Blissful Relationships, a compilation of the love strategies and secrets used to build the top 1% of long-term, love-filled, happily-ever-after marriages. These couples spilled the secrets that they used to overcome relationship challenges and build wonderful marriages, you won't find a better source of genuine 'been there, done that' marriage help. It will shortcut your journey to a wonderful love marriage.
Copyright 2007 Anne Amore ~ 'May you be now and forever blessed by love. And so it is.'
Want a 'fairy tale' marriage? They do exist! Don't miss out! Discover the secrets to a blissful relationship at: http://www.blissfulrelationship.com your number one resource for ensuring a lifetime of wedded love. It could be the ultimate at-home-and-in-private reference for super marriage help.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com

Love and Marriage - 3 Ways to Make Your Love Marriage A Marriage Full Of Love

By Anne Amore
When Frank Sinatra crooned, 'Love and marriage, love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage,' he was singing a universal truth. Without love, marriage is just a business arrangement. You want more than that from your marriage. You want the full fairy tale of wedded bliss, the fireworks of love, passion and romance. The funny thing is that if you want all that you do have to get down to business in your marriage. Here are 3 ways to ensure your marriage is full of love....

Do you like this couple?

Your love marriage vows

Presuming your marriage is or was based initially on a mutual love attraction you have the perfect ingredients to guarantee a lifetime of married love. Remember your marriage vows. Marriage vows are legal declarations of love and the promise to love each other for a lifetime. They are truly significant and magical parts of a marriage ceremony and need to be honoured and treated with respect. You and your partner make a vow to love each other. A vow is the most solemn and earnest of promises. It is an unbreakable commitment. Treat it like that and it will become so for you. When you acknowledge your total commitment to that vow, you will move heaven and earth to make sure you keep your promise. You're gonna love your partner whether he or she likes it or not!

Love and marriage go together

Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage not only because they sound like a perfect match, but also because they forge a working alliance and they make a journey together. You and your marriage partner are going on a journey together. You have united as a team. Sometimes it will be you 'pulling the cart'. Sometimes it will be your partner. The best love marriages occur when you pull the cart together and are heading in the same direction! Be prepared to take 100% responsibility for taking your marriage where you want it to go. Pour your love into your marriage. Sweat for your marriage -- that's real love!

You can't disparage love and marriage

The love marriage is an 'institute you can't disparage'. That's an elementary fact if you want a lifetime of wedded bliss. To disparage means to belittle or disrespect. Sometimes it seems like much of the media is hellbent on disparaging love and marriage. There really aren't that many role models of long-term loving marriages being paraded in the media. Don't buy into their paradigm of a world where love marriages are unlikely, funny or doomed to divorce. Respect your love marriage, give it attention and care. Work hard and creatively to keep the chemistry bubbling between you and your beloved.

Love is a verb enacted in marriage

Love and marriage, you can't have one without the other. Marry these two together to forge an unshakeable alliance. Don't be lazy and wait for love to keep happening to you. That's a sure way for your marriage to slide off the rails. Emotions require you to get into motion. That mean's get off your butt and do something. Love in marriage is a verb. It's something that you choose to do. You consciously choose to love your partner and demonstrate that love through your actions, choices and words.

So what actions, choices and words will you use to grow this incredible love marriage of yours every single day? Why not emulate the love strategies and secrets that have built the most successful, most fulfilling marriages? It makes sense to discover and copy directly what the top 1% of long-term happy couples do to build terrific marriages. That's exactly what is contained in rel=nofollow The 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships. Consider shortcutting your learning curve with this resource and taking 100% responsibility for the health of your married life and love relationship. This is the way to a lifetime of love and marriage happiness.

Want a 'fairy tale' relationship? They do exist! Don't miss out! Discover the secrets to a blissful relationship at: http://www.blissfulrelationship.com your top tips resource for ensuring your love and marriage grow more joyful and fulfilling every day!

Copyright 2007 Anne Amore ~ May you be now and forever blessed. And so it is.

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com

Marriage and Relationships - Do You Know the 7 Secrets to Keeping Passion Alive in Your Marriage?

By Barbara Calvi

Secret #1 -- Create intimacy and bonding. You do this outside of the bedroom by really listening to your partner.When your partner talks, give them your full attention, look them in the eye and use active listening skills.

Secret #2 -- Develop a mutual love language. we can't talk about sex without words. However, some words may be acceptable or even arousing to you but may be bothersome to your partner. Discuss ahead of time words and phrases that are acceptable to both of you for various body parts and acts. Note that some words may be bothersome in casual conversation but very sexy when you are aroused.

Secret #3 -- Use requests instead of criticism. Instead of saying to your partner, "You don't ever...." in an attempt to get them to do something specific when having sex, figure out what it is you really want instead and then ask for it in a very inviting way. "Tonight I would love it if you would..."

Secret #4 -- Share your ideal love making experience. Let each other know what is the image in your head of what makes an ideal love making experience.

Secret #5 -- Vary your sexual routine. For most couples, after a while sex is pretty routine in terms of what people do, how long they do it, how they do it and where they do it. Most people eventually fall into the 15-30 minutes long just before bed or first thing in the morning category. Remember to add in the quickie once in a while (good to peak spontaneity and surprise) AND the more luxurious and romantic longer version once a month or so.

Secret #6 -- Share your erotic maps. Maybe you've changed what you like or what you are interested in doing since the beginning of your relationship.

Secret #7-- Be very specific about what turns you on and what techniques you want your partner to do. Don't expect your partner to read your mind. We usually don't get what we want unless we ask.

I invite you to use these 7 tips to bring some spark back into your marriage and your sex life.

I would also like to offer you my Free Report: 21 Ways to Renew Fun, Love and Passion" when you subscribe to my newsletter, "Love Your Love Relationship," a monthly newsletter with tips, advice and insights on creating stronger, healthier, and more passionate marriages. You can have access to both at http://www.Beatthemarriageoddscounseling.com You can also find more tips and writings on creating better marriages at http://www.Beatthemarriageodds.typepad.com or http://www.Beatthemarriageodds.typepad.com/affairrecovery

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com